Discover the science behind regret and how to deal with regrets in your life.

Regrets are a common part of human experience, encompassing actions taken, words spoken, or opportunities missed that leave us pondering what might have been. These lingering feelings of remorse can weigh us down, prompting us to reflect on how we can minimize future regrets and manage those we already carry. In this article, we’ll delve into this topic, beginning with a definition of regret.

Regret is a self-centered negative emotion tied to past actions or inactions that generate feelings of guilt or disappointment. It often involves self-blame as we confront our role in our current circumstances (Roese & Summerville, 2005). Conversely, the absence of regret can manifest as a sense of contentment and vindication for having made the right choices for our own well-being. For instance, when a decision not to board a plane that later crashes proves correct or when ending a romantic relationship leads to encountering the love of our life, we witness how our past choices have guided us to a positive present.

What Leads to Regret?

In a recent meta-analytic study, researchers aimed to gain a comprehensive understanding of the most prevalent causes of regret by synthesizing findings from multiple studies. Their analysis revealed that Americans commonly experience regret in six prominent areas: education, career, romance, parenting, self-improvement, and leisure. Conversely, less frequently reported sources of regret encompassed finance, family, health, friends, spirituality, and community (Roese & Summerville, 2005).

These findings shed light on the diverse array of regrets individuals encounter in their lives. Some illustrative examples of these common regrets include missed educational opportunities, the failure to seize important moments, insufficient time spent with loved ones, overlooked romantic possibilities, hasty decision-making, and unwise romantic escapades (Gilovich & Medvec, 1994). These insights provide valuable insight into the range of experiences that contribute to feelings of regret among Americans.

Two key things that lead to regret

Opportunity is a double-edged sword when it comes to regret. Paradoxically, the greater the number of opportunities presented to us, the higher the likelihood of experiencing regret. When opportunities are denied or seem out of reach, we may feel anger or frustration, but regret is typically absent from the emotional landscape. Conversely, when opportunities are abundant, the responsibility falls on us to seize or disregard them. This dynamic may explain why education is a common source of regret for many individuals — the option to return to school always remains open, making it easy to regret not pursuing it (Roese & Summerville, 2005).

Furthermore, the irony deepens when we consider that having more options often leads to heightened levels of regret. Rather than relishing the choices we have made, we become acutely aware of the myriad alternatives we did not select, magnifying the potential for regret. This paradox of excessive choice not only diminishes our happiness but also increases our susceptibility to regret (Roese & Summerville, 2005).

What Do We Regret?

Research indicates that, in the short term, taking action (as opposed to refraining from it) tends to generate more immediate regrets. Instances such as saying something embarrassing or agreeing to undertake bothersome tasks for others often lead to feelings of regret, albeit relatively transient ones (Gilovich & Medvec, 1994).

Interestingly, the regrets that tend to linger and weigh most heavily upon us are those associated with missed opportunities and inaction. Regrets stemming from not doing something are not only more potent but also endure for more extended periods. When we harbor regrets about the trips we should have taken, the people we should have pursued romantically, or the educational opportunities we should have seized, these regrets tend to persist longer than regrets related to actions we would rather not have taken, such as attending a particular party, accepting a specific job, or going on a date with a particular person (Roese & Summerville, 2005; Gilovich & Medvec, 1994).

What is The Purpose of Regret?

Regret serves as a powerful motivator, compelling us to rectify our behavior to avoid experiencing this distressing emotion again. Surprisingly, it appears that we may be more inclined to address actions we regret than our regrets rooted in inaction.

When we have committed to a course of action, even if it turns out to be a poor decision, we are already in motion, and researchers suggest that it might be easier to alter our course once we are underway. This could explain why many of us are willing to rectify past mistakes, such as seeking a divorce, resigning from an unfulfilling job, or disengaging from unrewarding friendships. However, when it comes to taking that initial step toward positive life changes, we often encounter greater resistance (Gilovich & Medvec, 1994).

How to Deal With Regret

Dealing with regret can be a challenging but important aspect of personal growth and well-being. Here are some valuable tips to help reduce regret in your life:

Firstly, practicing acceptance of negative emotions, including regret, can be a constructive approach (Shallcross, Troy, Boland, & Mauss, 2010). By acknowledging and accepting these feelings, you can begin the process of managing and ultimately diminishing their impact on your life.

Secondly, consider mapping your past regrets to future actions. Take some time to create a list of both your past regrets involving actions and inactions. For each regret, make note of any steps you’ve taken to rectify your behavior and reduce the likelihood of similar regrets in the future.

Lastly, before making decisions, ask yourself, “Will I regret it?” Try to assess which decision is more likely to lead to regret. Based on research, inaction often tends to result in greater regret. So, embrace life with a positive mindset and be more inclined to say “Yes!” to opportunities and experiences whenever possible. This proactive approach can help you navigate life with fewer regrets (Shallcross, Troy, Boland, & Mauss, 2010).

In Summary

Regret is a typical and valuable emotion that arises when our actions lead to unfavorable consequences. It is a natural and healthy response that prompts us to modify our behavior. Therefore, it is essential to embrace and harness regret as a tool for personal growth and positive change in our lives.

References

● Gilovich, T., & Medvec, V. H. (1994). The temporal pattern to the experience of regret. Journal of personality and social psychology, 67(3), 357.

● Roese, N. J., & Summerville, A. (2005). What we regret most… and why. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 31(9), 1273-1285.

● Shallcross, A. J., Troy, A. S., Boland, M., & Mauss, I. B. (2010). Let it be: Accepting negative emotional experiences predicts decreased negative affect and depressive symptoms. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 48(9), 921-929.